Piranha 3DD

May 22, 2012 — 9 Comments

Prehistoric piranhas make their way into a newly opened water-park in Piranha 3DD. Directed by ‘Feast’s John Gulager, and the follow up to the surprisingly enjoyable Piranha 3D 2010.

These sort of films are supposed to be tongue-in-cheek, over acted, and trashy, the story plot full of stereo typed characters and bad decision making, along with good measures of tasteless gore and dark humour. Yet having all the right ingredients doesn’t mean you can make a good cake. It takes a brilliance to balance these elements together and make something special, something marvelous. Director, Alexandre Aja, achieved this when he delivered Piranha 3D in 2010. Piranha 3DD does not. It feels like they’ve bought together a collection of not-so-funny one liners and cameo’s and written a story around them, filling in any gaps with recycled material from the first film and Jaws 3D. (Certainly an interesting decision, given that Jaws 3-D was a horribly disappointing sequel itself).

The production quality wasn’t bad, and the sound was okay. The CGI and effects were a bit dodgy in places, but on the whole, passable. The real downfall for this film is the script. The dialogue starts a little wooden, but becomes increasingly worse as the film progresses and towards the end it’s cringe worthy. The jokes are shockingly terrible, and I don’t mean offensive, as in edgy or dark, they’re just bad. The characters are two dimensional and dull with virtually no relationship building; it’s difficult to care whether they live or die. Piranha 3DD is just sloppy (or lazy) writing. It’s just a bunch of unexciting ideas that have been forced together to fill up 90 minutes. I never thought I’d say this, but by halfway through I was desperately hoping the piranha would sprout wings.

The humour might appeal to some, and there’s generous nudity throughout. Christopher Lloyd has some brief screen time and he is superb. It may be enjoyable with a group of guys over a few drinks and a stack of pizza, but I’d probably give it a miss and re-watch Piranha 3D instead.

Our Rating: 4.2 / 10

In 4 - 4.9 (Poor) , ,
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Strippers vs Werewolves

May 9, 2012 — 10 Comments

Strippers vs Werewolves is a British horror comedy that follows a pack of werewolves as they go on a revenge mission to a local strip club.

I’m going to tell you straight away; this is an appalling film. I mean, it was never going to be amazing, but on paper it had the potential to become an underground cult hit, or at least one of those ‘so-bad-they’re-awesome’ films that make great viewing over a take-away after a night out.

Don’t be fooled by Robert Englund’s name on the cover – he has a brief and irrelevant cameo which has been forced in shamelessly to pull in a few easily lead horror fans, which, I’m ashamed to admit, included me.

So they cheaped out on Englund, but they were on a tight budget. Now, glamour model Lucy Pinder, in a stripper movie. How could anyone get that wrong? Well, they did. She doesn’t take her top off once! Why hire someone who is famous for her topless pictures and awarding winning breasts, and then keep her clothes on! I mean, how much would it have really cost? Hell, she probably arrived on the set topless.

The writing is sloppy and dull, with unimaginative dialogue which is delivered flatly, with no emotion or attention to timing. The costumes and make up are terrible, I’m not sure if they made them deliberately bad in an attempt to add to the comic element, but it didn’t work, it just looks lazy and tacky. The production quality is substandard, getting noticeably worse towards the end. The sound production was especially amateurish, with noises delayed, sometimes by several seconds and the vocals out of sync. The films 15 certificate is a serious downfall.

There are a few parts that could, with some development, have been okay, but as it stands you’d struggle to find a worse way to use an hour and a half. I have watched some truly bad movies in my time, Strippers vs Werewolves has won itself a high-ranking place on that list.

Our Rating: 2.2 / 10

In 0 - 3.9 (Avoid) , ,
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Cabin In The Woods

April 15, 2012 — 35 Comments

A gang of ‘Scooby-doo-style’ teenagers plan to spend a weekend in an isolated cabin, and it’s not long before they find themselves trapped and fighting for survival against the living dead.

Cabin in the Woods is directed by Drew Goddard and written by Joss Whedon; the writing force behind Buffy, Dr. Horribles Sing-along-blog and the sci-fi masterpiece series, Firefly. It’s been a long time in the works, having been shot in 2009, but conflicts between Whedon, Goddard and the production companies regarding whether the film should be released in 3D or not, delayed its release until 2012. It’s not in 3D.

The story sets up quickly, sliding effortlessly into the deliberately clichéd plot that we all know and love, but soon unfolding into something more, as it masterfully walks the fine line between easy watching, and inventive twists and layers. Cabin in the Woods stands out because it is imaginative and original, traits that have been scarce in recent cinema. Whedon’s quirky story telling and attention to detail makes it an interesting and thrilling watch, with sharp and playful humour. Goddard has done an admirable job piecing together his directorial debut into a fantastic looking movie, combining a handsome cast and polished production quality with a film that feels fun and exciting throughout.

Just for good measure, Whedon and Goddard have thrown in some fun references to the horror genre, including nods at Evil Dead, Ringu, Hellraiser and Lovecraft, among others that diehard fans will enjoy.

There were a few plots points that weren’t explained or would have benefited from being explored further, but these are only minor shortcomings. Towards the climax the CGI was shoddy and somewhat unnecessary, which is a shame as the rest of the special effects and make-up were superb.

Overall, don’t expect to the take the film too seriously and you will be entertained.

Our Rating: 7.1 / 10

In 7 - 8.2 (Highly Recommended) ,
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Top 100 Horror Movies 1982 – 2012

April 8, 2012 — 88 Comments

Thought I’d put together a list of, what are in my opinion, the top 100 horror movies of the last 30 years. Why just the last 30 years? First, for me, the early 80s mark the divide between classic horror and modern horror. There are some excellent horror movies before 1982, but there are also many films that were truly amazing for their time, but wouldn’t be considered as good today. However, due to their huge cultural significance, they are always included in the top 100 horrors of all time. I want to put together a list, that people just getting into horror, can take away and will actually watch.

Second, there are thousands of top 100 horror movie lists on the internet, and they all pretty much look the same. By not including films prior too 1982, I’ve freed up space for some great films that would otherwise be overlooked. Let’s be honest, most horror fans could probably recite the top 20 horror films without any difficultly. Wouldn’t it be interesting to have a list that didn’t end with either The Exorcist, Psycho or The Shinning?

I’ve read a lot of these lists, and there is always comments like “That’s not a horror film.” I believe that horror has so many sub-genres, and the edges of the horror genre itself are blurred. Some of the films on this list may fit better into other genres, such as science fiction or dark comedy, but I feel they also have enough of a horror flavor to warrant their place.
Furthermore, I have tried to limit the amount of non English speaking films, to be honest, I could write them a list of their own. I have included a few that have had noteworthy international acclaim or have influenced the whole genre.

I’m sure I’ve missed more than a few, so as people comment and make suggestions, I may update the list.

100. Sleepaway Camp 2: Unhappy Campers (1988)

99. Cabin Fever (2002)

98. Dark Water (2002)

97. Lifeforce (1985)

96. Session 9 (2001)

95. Friday The 13th (2009)

94. Wrong Turn (2003)

93. The Texas Chainsaw Massacre (2003)

92. The Hills Have Eyes (2006)

91. Ils – Them (2006)

90. Jennifer’s Body (2009)

89. Trick r Treat (2007)

88. High Tension (2003)

87. Dead Snow (2009)

86. The Gate (1986)

85. Shadow of a Vampire (2000)

84. Silent Hill (2006)

83. Jeepers Creepers (2001)

82. The Grudge (2004)

81. Pet Semetery  (1989)

80. The Orphanage (2007)

79. The People Under the Stairs (1991)

78. The Bride of Chucky (1998)

77. Orphan (2009)

76. Inside (2007)

75. Joy Ride (Road Kill) (2001)

74. Pumpkin Head (1988)

73. Frankenhooker (1990)

72. Wes Craven’s New Nightmare (1994)

71. Audition (1999)

70. From Dusk to Dawn (1996)

69. Feast (2005)

68. Martyres (2008)

67. Paranormal Activity (2007)

66. Dead End (2003)

65. Arachnophobia (1990)

64. Prince of Darkness (1987)

63. Resident Evil : Afterlife  (2010)

62. Leviathan (1989)

61. Final Destination (200)

60. The Signal (2007)

59. Event Horizon (1997)

58. Underworld : Awakening (2011)

57. Freddy Vs. Jason (2003)

56. May (2002)

55. The Loved Ones (2009)

54. The Crazies (2010)

53. Wolf Creek (2005)

52. Candyman (1992)

51. The Ruins (2008)

50. Splice (2009)

49. From Beyond (1986)

48. Creepshow (1982)

47. Child’s Play (1988)

46. Eden Lake (2008)

45. Night of the Creeps (1986)

44. Return of the Living Dead (1985)

43. The Mist (2009)

42. Angel Heart (1987)

41. Stake Land (2010)

40. Bubba Ho-Tep (2002)

39. Teeth (2007)

38. The Devils Rejects (2005)

37. Death proof (2007)

36. Near Dark (1989)

35. Dawn of the Dead (2004)

34. Cube (1997)

33. Misery (1990)

32. [REC] (2007)

31. The Entity (1982)

30. Splinter (2008)

29. Nightmare on Elm Street : Dream Warriors (1987)

28. Piranha (2010)

27. Attack The Block (2010)

26. Slither (2006)

25. Resident Evil (2002)

24. Blade (1998)

23. Frailty (2001)

22. The Lost Boys (1987)

21. Saw (2004)

20. Tucker and Dale Vs. Evil (2010)

19. Dog Soldiers (2002)

18. Hell Raiser (1987)

17. Zombieland (2010)

16. Let Me In  (2010)

15. IT (1990)

14. Scream (1996)

13. Ginger Snaps (2002)

12. Shaun of The Dead (2004)

11. The Descent (2005)

10. Poltergeist (1982)

9. The Fly (1986)

8. Tremors (1990)

7. The Vanishing (spoorloos)  (1988)

6. Re-animator (1985)

5. Ringu (1998)

4. The Evil Dead 2 (1987)

3. Nightmare on Elm Street (1984)

2. The Thing (1982)

1. Aliens (1986)

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Claustrofobia

April 2, 2012 — 4 Comments

Claustrofobia is a horror / thriller film, which follows Eva as she wakes up locked in a cellar and chained to a table. There appears to be no obvious reason why she is there and her masked captive does not seem to have an apparent agenda.

Director, Bobby Boermans took a risky step, and decided to give his first feature length film away for free. A risk, that has seemed to have paid off as he, and his film, are getting international attention, in part for this bold move.

As the film goes, the production quality is decent and the majority of the acting respectable throughout, notably Carolien Spoor gives superb performance as Eva. The opening scene is brilliantly dark, and grabs your attention straightaway. I would go as far to say, that the first 30 minutes or so of this movie are faultless. It seeps with suspense, and is wonderfully dark.

Unfortunately, the rest of the movie doesn’t hold up as well. It feels as if Boermans created a monster, and then decided to muzzle it. The villain turns out to quite meek, and even a little wimpy, and the cellar where Eva is locked up really isn’t half bad, I’ve stayed in hotels that have offered a lot less. You’re never truly concerned or scared for Eva, it feels more like she’s just having a bad day. The side characters are interesting and have a lot of potential, but they are underused, it would have been good to learn a bit more about them.

Overall, not remarkable, but it’s an interesting film with a good dose of tension. It’s quite realistic is many ways, which for some, may be a scarier and more uncomfortable watch. Also, someone gets killed with an iPad.

Our Rating: 5.9 / 10


In 5 - 5.9 (Okay)
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Psycho (1960)

March 14, 2012 — 27 Comments

In 1959, Alfred Hitchcock came across a novel by Robert Bloch, called Psycho. The novel was loosely based on the crimes of Ed Gein, the infamous grave robber and murder that shocked America in the mid 1950s. Hitchcock enlisted Joseph Stefano, and together they developed it into a screenplay. Hitchcock took the directors chair and Psycho found its way to cinema screens on 16th June 1960. Where is was met with excellent box office success and overwhelmingly positive reviews.

So, what makes Psycho so outstanding? First, don’t be fooled by the slightly jumpy opening credits, this is deliberate. The jittery, jagged words mirror the unstable mind of Norman Bates. This referencing of his mental state is also apparently in Bernard Herrmann’s soundtrack, which is genuinely uncomfortable. It somehow blends seamlessly into the movie while simultaneously being impossible to ignore. Once the movie starts the production quality becomes sleek and professional. Deliberately shot in black and white, in a time when most films were in colour, the picture is sharp and polished, and as the film progresses, it becomes clear that it could never have been shot in colour. It was a story meant to be told in black and white. Finally, the acting is first-rate, and though there was no question that Anthony Perkins was a world-class actor before Psycho, his performance as Norman Bates; both beautifully creepy and terrifyingly charming, and is easily the best of his career.

Psycho holds claim to one of the most iconic scenes in cinema; the shower scene. It took 77 different camera angles, 90 splices, over 50 cuts and a 7 days to make the 3 minute scene. It is one of those markers in cinematic history that destroyed conventional barriers of the time.  Overall, Psycho was unpredictable, which on a subconscious level made people feel unsafe, but more than that, it crawled under the skin of its audience because it was believable. Along with North by Northwest, Psycho established Hitchcock as the most influential filmmaker of all time and, more significantly, gave birth of two new horror sub-genres; psychological horror and slasher films.

Although not a reflection on the film itself, Hitchcock did some brilliant promotional work before Psycho’s mainstream release, including a 6 minute trailer to introduce the film and a short, to the point radio ad that ended with loud woman’s scream. Also, Hitchcock brought up as many of the copies of the Psycho novel as he could, to keep the ending as much of secret as possible but, best of all, theaters were supplied with a life-size cardboard cut-out of Hitchcock pointing to his wristwatch with a note from the director saying:

“The manager of this theatre has been instructed at the risk of his life, not to admit to the theatre any persons after the picture starts. Any spurious attempts to enter by side doors, fire escapes or ventilating shafts will be met by force. The entire objective of this extraordinary policy, of course, is to help you enjoy PSYCHO more. Alfred Hitchcock”

 
Our Rating: 9 / 10
In 8.3 - 10 (Masterpiece), Reviews by Rating ,
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Never Sleep Again : The Elm Street Legacy

March 4, 2012 — 55 Comments

Never Sleep Again: The Elm Street Legacy is a documentary that takes viewers through a definitive and nostalgic look back down Elm Street. Never Sleep Again starts in 1983, looking at the humble beginnings of New Line Cinema, where a handful of people distributed films from the boots of their cars to any cinema or video store they could. It explores how the first Elm Street films would launch New Line down a path that would make them modern cinematic pioneers; The House That Freddy Built, until they were sadly brought by Time-Warner in 2008.

Each of the Elm Street films are broken down into roughly four segments; Writing and casting. Interviews looking at the conflicts and friction amongst writers, directors, cast and New Line, along with a superb collection of first hand inside stories and trivia. Special effects and box office reception.

Not only does the documentary look at each of the seven original movies and Freddy Vs Jason, but it revisits the long forgotten Freddie’s Nightmares television series and musical collaborations with Dokken and The Fat Boys. It also includes a collection of never-before-seen photos, footage and behind the scene clips that hadn’t been released with previous bonus material. (Much to my approval it skips over the Time-Warners 2010 remake; like me, choosing to pretend that doesn’t exist.) The many cast and crew that have contributed to the in-depth interviews would take too long to list, obvious people missing from the line up are Patricia Arquette and Johnny Depp. Watch out for a great cameo from Jay, of Jay and Silent Bob. The real treat for hardcore fans is the marvelous stop-motion animated clips that have been made for this documentary. Darkly beautiful, these clips recreate some of the most memorable scenes and deaths spanning the series.

At four hours you’d better set aside a while evening, any shorter would have been an injustice to any self-respecting Fred-head. This documentary is certainly best and most informative guide to Elm Street available. Brilliant.

I’m not going to rate Never Sleep Again, but I have listed The Nightmare on Elm street Collection in descending order, from best to worst.

1. Nightmare on Elm Street

2. Dream Warriors

3. Freddy Vs Jason

4. Wes Craven’s: New Nightmare

5. Dream Master

6. Freddy’s Revenge

7. Dream Child

8. The Final Nightmare: Freddy’s Dead

In 7 - 8.2 (Highly Recommended) , ,
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